It doesn’t feel good, right? Being rejected by someone. With whom you thought you would spend your whole life, turns down all your expectations in just a moment. They didn’t feel the same way you did. It was very easy for them to say,
“I don’t love you anymore.”,
“It’s not gonna work between you and me.”,
“We are good friends. I never saw you as a lover.”, or
“I don’t think I deserve you. You are too nice for me. You will find someone better.”
And they walk away. The reason for rejection might be different for us but the pain is the same. Every time you think “Why didn’t it work out?”, your heart aches. The feeling to get them back creates a stubborn craving. You want their attention back. Your mind runs a flashback of your time together. It hurts you even more. You stalk them on social media only to see how happy they are without you.
To get noticed you start doing desperate things like bombarding them with sentimental messages, posting sad heartbreak quotes on your timeline/status, calling them repetitively and crying.
By doing so you only show your dependency and emotional weakness which annoys them even more. As a result they block you from all aspects of their life.
They don’t reply to your messages, your calls go unanswered. They behave as if you never mattered in their life. It devastates you. You spend sleepless nights, your head throbs out of pain of anxiety.
You sob. You take pills. Nothing helps. You never felt this lonely. You are unable to focus on work. You lock yourself up in your room, staring at the ceiling, just lying on your bed, thinking where it went wrong. You start doubting and blaming yourself. It breaks your spirit, makes you feel down. You sink into depression.
The Pain Is Real
When we go through a heartbreak we feel ashamed of our feelings. We ignore the pain when around people and don’t consider talking about it to anyone. We are afraid of being judged. We opt to hide our suffering from others.
Talking about pain of rejection is not a form of weakness because “THE PAIN OF REJECTION IS REAL”.
It has been scientifically proven that brain treats the pain of rejection the same way as it treats the pain of a broken arm. Humans get hurt psychologically. We just need to remember that this heartbreak is only going to make us stronger.
If you are suffering from a heartbreak and are unable to get rid of that pain of rejection, follow these steps to help yourself:
#1. Talk To Someone:
Expressing sadness can reduce the sense of guilt and shame you are feeling for not getting over your past. Seeking a best friend, any close family member, or a therapist can be helpful.
When we bare our feelings to someone, they help us to look at our own thoughts objectively. It is very healing. It will make you feel light when you have someone to talk to. Their positive feedback and support will help you in reassuring yourself.
#2. Understand The Gap Between Expectation And Reality:
Whenever we connect to our partner, we build a world of expectations around them. We contemplate of an ideal future. We foresee our partner’s behaviors & actions in our favor. When things don’t happen our way it leads to disappointment and bitterness.
There is nothing wrong with having healthy expectations. But asking others to act exactly according to our expectations is unfair. Here, keeping an open attitude can help. Be less demanding. Realizing that the universe won’t always work according to our expectations can aid us in accepting other’s choices without bitterness.
#3. Shift Your Attention Away From Your Ex:
You open Facebook and Bam! You see your ex’s picture with someone else. Your heart cries. It is a bitter reminder that you are no longer together. And the whole day you remain silent and dull. What’s the point in keeping them in your social network when you don’t talk to each other anymore?
Be brave enough to let go and snap all connections. Deleting their number and removing them from your friend list can be a big relief. Otherwise, you will never be able to get them off your mind. Give yourself a break. Avoid going to your safe places. Hide or throw away all the things which reminds you of them. Detach yourself from them and let the feelings die out.
#4. Rejection Doesn’t Mean You’re Inadequate:
Heartbreaks shatter us. It makes us feel we are worthless. We conclude, “WE ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH”. In reality, rejection has nothing to do with our adequacy.
If a person does not feel for you, it’s not your fault. It is just that your qualities don’t match their interest. Not everyone in this world will love you. Don’t you get attracted to only some and not with all of them? Does that mean there’s something wrong with the others? No, right? It’s just that they aren’t for us. That doesn’t make them worthless. The same applies to you. Be comfortable with who you are. “Let people come and go. Be yourself and see who stays.”
#5. Choose A Passion:
Instead of sitting and lamenting over something which is over, invest your valuable time in your dreams. Get a hobby. Travel, paint, dance, work out, do whatever you have been waiting to do.
It will keep you away from all those negative thoughts. In pain, it can be a refuge. It will enrich your soul. You will become a better version of yourself. When you get those small achievements while following your dreams, you’ll feel awesome! And who knows, you might attract the right person on your journey towards passion.
#6. Be Grateful For The Good Memories & Respect Your Ex’s Decision:
Everything happens in this world for a reason. This moment is meant for something good. You may not realize it now, but some years down the line, you will understand that it all fits. You will be able to analyse what went wrong and will be more careful next time. You will know the difference between real love and an infatuation.
I know, you might be feeling bad about losing your time, money, emotions, but instead of focusing on the loss, focus on what you gained. Be grateful for all those good memories you had. Don’t hold any grudge. Respect the other person’s decision. Say goodbye and move on gracefully.
#7. Stop Hoping For Them To Return:
“What if the person comes back?” – this is one of the most dangerous thoughts which ruins all our chances to get into a relationship ever again.
It’s absurd to live in the hope that the other person might return. Unless you are going to cut all the past strings, how will you allow someone else to enter into your life? You might lose someone better in the present if you choose to hold on to the past. Get over it. Start afresh.
The possibilities and destinations are endless. Fall in love, break your heart and again fall in love. And each time love like it’s your first time.
Follow us on Facebook @TheUnvisited